Christy's Journey From the Shame Spiral to Finally Feeling Seen
A recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser, Christy discovered that failures aren’t proof she’s a bad mom — they’re data.
Enroll in Inner Circle
Before Inner Circle: Running on Empty Inside the Shame Spiral
Christy had read all the books. Listened to every podcast. Taken advice from anyone willing to give it. But every time she tried something new and it didn’t work, she shut down — tumbling into a shame spiral that confirmed she just wasn’t capable of being a “good” mom.
At home, there was a negative cloud hanging over everything. No room for fun — only correcting and yelling. She wanted perfection and got kids who snapped back. She was mentally overwhelmed, felt unsupported, and was talking to a brick wall. She wasn’t living. She was just going through the motions.
“I would implement something and when it didn’t work, I shut down and fell into the shame spiral. Each time something failed, I took it personally and it further confirmed that I wasn’t capable of being a ‘good’ mom.”
“I realized that I wasn’t living. I was just going through the motions each day and that was not a life I was willing to live.”
The Breaking Point: Finally Feeling Seen
Two months before joining Inner Circle, Christy was walking her dog and listening to podcasts when she kept hearing the same Bible scripture referenced — again and again. She came home, opened her Bible, and started reading. Something shifted.
She got the courage to ask her husband to go to counseling. When she got there expecting validation for everything wrong with him, the counselor turned the mirror around. She began to see that the work had to start with her.
Then she attended the Happy Mom Summit. She had no idea what it was — but there were great freebies. And then she heard JoAnn speak. She took pages of notes. For the first time in motherhood, she felt seen.
“I was so tired of failing. I was tired of being angry. It was that moment that I gave up and realized that I can’t control it… I felt seen for the first time in motherhood.”
After Inner Circle: The Three Shifts That Changed Everything
💬 The Three Conversations
Christy realized she’d been living in the second conversation — constantly assuming what other people were “really” thinking, staying defensive, and never letting anyone get close. She was doing it with her husband, her kids, her friends, her coworkers. It was exhausting.
“I constantly lived in the 2nd conversation of what the other person was thinking. I wouldn’t let people get close because I didn’t believe what they were saying.”
Now she’s quick to repair when she’s said something unkind — not because she “should,” but because she truly means it. She stopped taking everything personally. When her son yells “no,” she walks away knowing he just wants a reaction, and he’ll eventually do it.
⏰ Body Doubling (Unicorn Time)
This was Christy’s biggest practical game changer. Protected, carved-out time gave her the accountability her brain needed — especially after receiving an ADHD diagnosis during Inner Circle that finally helped her understand why she couldn’t be judged against the neurotypical moms around her.
“Small, consistent periods of time to focus has allowed us to do so much. Some people make fun of the concept, but for me (and my two friends)… this time has made all of the difference for our neurodivergent brains!”
She started body doubling with a team member at work. Then with a friend starting a business. Small, consistent periods of time to focus have allowed all of them to accomplish so much more — and she’s doing this from the hallway of a wrestling tournament with her headphones in.
🌟 Releasing the Need for External Validation
Christy learned she’s not responsible for anyone else’s emotions or reactions. Being able to communicate clearly meant she stopped replaying every scenario over and over. She started letting people in — for real this time.
“I feel more in control of myself. I’ve rediscovered what brings me joy. For me to be able to just sit and ‘be’ and not feel bad about it — that’s huge!”
She’s now okay with just being herself. If someone doesn’t like her, that’s fine. She gives her time and energy to the people who truly matter. And she can finally just sit and be — without feeling bad about it.
What Christy Gained from Inner Circle
✅ Escaped the shame spiral and started using failures as data to pivot
✅ Stopped living in the second conversation — and let people actually get close
✅ Discovered her ADHD diagnosis and finally gave herself grace instead of judgment
✅ Built Unicorn Time that works for her neurodivergent brain
✅ Stopped needing external validation to feel like a good mom
✅ Started asking for what she needs — and receiving it
✅ Learned to repair instead of spiral after conflict with her kids
What Others Are Noticing
Christy stopped needing her husband’s “I guess” to know she was changing. She turned to prayer, and soon after, a friend noticed without being asked. That confirmation landed differently — because Christy already knew it was true.
“At one point, I really wanted my husband to validate the change I felt within myself. When I finally asked him, all I got was a simple, ‘I guess.’”
She also started asking for things she needed — and actually receiving them. A solo trip to recharge (even when the flu showed up instead of the quiet she planned). A massage on a Cabo beach while her family stayed nearby. Small acts of choosing herself, without guilt, without over-explaining.
“For once, I chose to do something for myself on vacation, and I allowed that to be enough.”
“Then I was having coffee with a friend and she mentioned how much lighter and calmer I seemed. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It was confirmation — not because I needed it, but because it reminded me that the work I was doing was real and visible.”
Christy's Advice to Other Moms Stuck in the Shame Spiral?
“Life isn’t about getting to a certain point and then just staying there… it’s about living. We can either let failures send us down the shame spiral, or we can use it as data and pivot. I’ve discovered that I like pivoting.”